Did You Ever Have One of Those Days? MKMMA Week 6

OR DID YOU EVER HAVE ONE THOSE YEARS?

While reading an email from 1 concerned member of the Master Key Master Mind Alliance (nothing to be concerned about btw) I was flooded with negative, mucky, yucky anger and resentment.  Fortunatly I have lots of techniques now and tools to help me through these waters.  For this am so “greatful”.  So I’m reading this email thinking some people are just so sad.  And I get really, really mad.  So in like 13 seconds all this stuff goes through my mind and I came to the conclusion that this is my blog today.

First I must relate this day and the forces within me that lead to eventually reading the above mentioned email.  It started pretty well.  Did my reading, meditation was feeling pretty good.  Could be doing better with exercise, eating and water  but not too bad.

Then bam it starts.  This guy calls and needs help and I can’t help him, he didn’t follow up and I know he blames it on me, and it was kinda my fault but he’s mad and I feel responsible, sorry.  I really though he was on it.  So I feel bad.

Then simultaneously (literally simultaneously because he was on the cell and I was also on skype) I am talking to my step daughter everything is going good, but I mention that I placed the ad for her car.  We get around to the fact that I priced it wrong.  Well, I DON’T think the price is wrong but she does and that is what matters.  She starts saying, “Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me?”  OMGosh I gotta tell you that stabbed me in the heart.   Now I know she doesn’t mean that literally.   She is just freaked out about uprooting her whole, entire life and moving here.   I just did that so I get the stress.  I tell her I can fix it, but she is mad I can tell and I feel so bad.   The last thing I want to do is make this harder for her.  I felt so so bad.  Now there 2 people I messed up today.  Ayou!

As I am thinking about these 2 mistakes and feeling bad about it the next moment I get a text from my oldest daughter Dayna.  Dayna is my heart.  She tells me that due to circumstances we can’t control she won’t be here for at least another 7 months.  Well then I lose my shit (as my kids say).  I just crumbled into a puddle.  My baby, OH MY GOSH, I’m not going to see her for how long.  This I can’t take.  I am junk and I start thinking about this long, long year.  And then a flood of tears and everything comes down on me I just start thinking about everything that has happend in the last year.

Now just 1 short year ago we were moving out of our 2 family home in Haverhill.  That was sad and that was happy.  As anybody who has move, after living in one place a long time, you know that was a nightmare.  No, really, it sucked really bad.  Then we’re in this little rental at Seabrook Beach (yuck).  My view is the Nuclear Power Plant.  All my stuffs in storage and now what?  I’ll tell you what.  Now get ready to move 6000 miles away, with your blind, deaf, grumpy mother-in-law.  Then Dayna moves out, then how do we get the dog over there, then this, then that, then the other thing.   Just one crazy thing after the other and never a minute to get used to it.  It’s all a stress filled blur that I am reliving this morning.

Then the email – I figured well I am going to try to help someone else.  I do my best to get into service to others and I am going to finish reading the press releases and adding everyone to Mark’s blog.  And I read this email.  I believe, and I could be wrong.  But I believe that people who don’t take responsiblity for their own lives are mean to people who do.  So this email says something that I thought was so stupid.  We’ll put it in the catagory of the same people who, when I told them I was moving to Hawaii, they said, “Isn’t it expensive to live there.”  Imagine this really naggy, high pitched voice, “Isn’t it expensive to live there.”  Blah, Blah, Blah.  Bite me.  Just closed, small minded and probably jealous people.

So I get so mad and I’m thinking all I want to do is help someone and I get this email and it makes me so mad and all this junk is happening today, (btw my kitchen sink doesn’t work and I can’t do dishes so I can’t cook, just pile it on AND I thought it was Thursday not Friday!!!)  – what am I supposed to do here.  Feel sorry for myself, well that’s easy I am already doing that.  No, I think what is the message, the lesson where is it, I start thinking how is this an opportunity?  Thanks MKMMA.  And it hit me. I realize, it was like a bolt of lightening, I saw a flash.  That happens sometimes when I get out of my own way.  You have to blog today (Again, totally thought it was Thursday).  Write about it.  Let all the MKMMAers now before some A-hole takes a crap on their dreams.

You may already know this but pay attention anyway.  It’s really important to let you know, in case you don’t already, that when you go for your dreams, when you start changing your mind, when you start making choices that bring you closer to your dreams and goals there are going to be people out there who try to drag you back down.  It’s the crab story.  They don’t mean to be mean and small, mostly they don’t even know.  But the will try.  If you change, if you get better, others are forced to look at the fact that they are not.  And some of them will hate you for it and be really, really mean.  It’s right in “Think and Grow Rich”  most people fail because they listen to well meaning friends and family.  Read that again is astonishing, but it’s true.

You know who they are.  Some will shock you, some won’t.  Don’t listen.  You know your own heart they don’t.  Dream stealers Mark used to call them, it was so hard for me to believe that people would do that, but they do.  All the time.

Here I take a risk.  Sometimes you are sleeping next to them.  Or they are at the dinner table or you have to be in the same room with them, often.  It’s rough, I know I did that and I still have to today.  But my mind is the only one that matters.  I choose what I think about.  I choose my own destiny.  AND it’s important that we don’t think negatively about them.  We bless them, we pray for their happiness and that they find their bliss too!  That’s the hard part if you ask me.  Everything I let go of has nail marks on it.

Just wanted to let you know, it’s my revenge.   It’s my way of letting go of the person that I DON’T EVEN KNOW AND WILL PROBABLY NEVER MEET.  As long as I hold on to being angry at those “dream stealers” I am blocking my own bliss.  God Bless Them.  So I hope this helps me and you.

blessings and believe,

Davene

Holy Guacamole That Hurts!!! – MKMMA Week 5

THEY CALL IT A MIRACLE

Nineteen years ago today, October 26th 1991, the day of The Perfect Storm, I was screaming and writhing in pain at Salem Hospital in Salem, Massachusetts.  Salem is the witch city and I was giving birth to a little witch.   Although I didn’t know at the time that she would be such a witch.  Well she isn’t that bad.  No, I’m just being politically correct she a witch.  What do you expect from a gorgeous, talented, knockout 19-year-old who was born on the same day as The Perfect Storm.

So I don’t lose the guys here I put in a picture of Jackie AND this is not about childbirth.  If you have kids or any of your friends or relatives have kids you have heard all the horror stories.  597 hours of labor, all the screaming and name calling.  Really it’s not that bad, that’s what I tell all pregnant woman, don’t worry….ya it hurts, it hurts alot, but you’ll be fine.

Just got off the phone with the little witch, Jackie, to have our happy birthday phone call, she moved in with her father when she was 13 (witch) so we usually have the birthday phone call, and it got me to thinking.

As I sit here today 19 years after having give birth to my last child I do recall the pain of birth, and it was painful but it was so great when it was over and I was on the other side. Can one explain the amazing experience of having children?  No.  It’s to big but it’s totally worth a few hours of pain.

BIRTH IS PAINFUL? Sometimes.

The Master Key Master Mind Alliance reminds me of the process of having a child and that’s what came to me after my conversation.  No one can explain the amazing experience of the MKMMA.  You just can’t explain it.  You gotta do it yourself to know.

We start this process and it really exciting and fun, like making a baby.  A little while in we start to get really sick and scared, 1st trimester.  Then it seems kind of OK.  I’m getting it or at least I think I am.  Then we’re really fat, ugly and freaking out.  Metaphorically of course I don’t want to offend, just how I was felling at the time.  So now that we have been living with this weight, this anticipation of something awesome happening here comes the pain.  Maybe, maybe not.  It’s different for everyone for me it feels sometimes like I’m the baby sometimes the mom.  Maybe you got to squeeze thur some little hold half the size of your head.  Maybe you’re already half way thur and it’s just a little push.  Sometimes it hurts so bad you gotta have the spinal thing.  Sometimes the pain is not so bad and you can take it.   For me it’s been painful and wonderous just like my Jackie.

You become someone different when you’re on the other side.  It’s work, you have doubts, you think you’re doing it wrong.  Holy Guacamole how the heck am I going to do this every single day for 26 weeks!!!!  That was what I thought many times during the course the 1st time thru.  For myself and for the students.  Then it just becomes part of you.  You miss it when it’s not there.  You become protective and don’t let anybody mess with your sacred time.  You nurture, help it grow.

It’s so great to be on the other side, will there be more pain, maybe, maybe.  But Man-O-Man all the joy, peace, gratitude, power.  It’s fantastic.  It’s totally worth the 168 hours of labor.  That’s only 1 week can you believe it?  I would have gladly given up one week of my life for my Jackster.  One week to change everything.  Totally worth it.

blessings and believe,

Davene

I Will Kick Your Ass!

COMPETITIVE? Huh?

While reading Chuck Anderson’s blog this morning I had to laugh, he and his wife, Lisa had been “snippy” with each other.  He has the courage to share with us.  And he added that since they were doing the Master Key Master Mind Alliance together and were in business together all would be right in their world.  HA! NOT!  What I think is really terrific is that Chuck noticed this behavior and decided to write about it.  So I will too.

To my great surprise I found out, just recently, that I am very competitive. Huh, me competitive?  No.

I’ll tell you it was a shock, for all of  you who have heard Mark’s webinars on the colors or heard his CDs out there you’ll know what I mean when I say I always considered myself a “yellow” personality.   Meaning very nurturing and helpful like a nurse or a mom who has all the neighborhood kids at her house.  You know the type, sweet, helpful.  Now I find out that I am not yellow at all (btw we are all a rainbow I am just talking about the main personality trait) but RED!!!  What?  No way Mark is a RED!!!  The Donald Trump type.  Real bossy, bottom line and COMPETITIVE!!!  Not me, no way.

Boy I was wrong, do you know how many times I have said “I will kick your ass.”  Not meaning beat you up, well most of the time not meaning beat you up.  Meaning beat you at tennis, checkers, cards, bowling, running to the car from the store, board games, making coffee, cleaning the house whatever.  I do everything myself and don’t ask for help because NO ONE CAN DO IT AS WELL AS I CAN, I WILL JUST HAVE TO DO IT OVER….    I have said that a million times.  I just found out a few weeks ago I am not at all who I thought I was.  Here a good example.  Last week on the MKMMA call Kathy Zimmer mentioned a couple of people who have all, or most, of the MKMMA blogs on their blog roll.  The first thing I thought was I gotta get my blog roll going I have to have a bigger blog roll than them.   If you thought that too you are a red.  So now I have to change my PPNs and my DMP.  Lots of things have to change because change it good and we all change.  We are all always moving, changing, either backwards or forward which way we go is our choice.

Why did Chuck remind me of that you may ask?  Well because there was a big ruckus here yesterday, snippy is cuddling compared to this ordeal.  I don’t care really, what the neighbors think, but they know for sure that this is a “spirited” household.  Here’s the thing, and we’re going to call it the “thing”, OK.   The thing is sometimes when my husband The World’s Laziest Networker challenges me OR I think I am right about something OR  I don’t understand and he tells me it’s because I wasn’t paying attention OR some other crap OR blah, blah, blah.  Man the burns me up.  Who the F@*K is he to tell me I’m not paying attention, I am way faster than him, I do more, I work harder, I think faster, I type faster, I can pay attention to 3 things at once who the hell does he think he is talking to….  Time for humble pie.  I am so friggin competitive and I want so much to be right that I fight back.  Then I will really want kick his ass. The other meaning, kick his ass.  Poor guy, he is so patient when I forget who I am.  Whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy.  Lucky me!  AND he is way, way, way smarter than me.  Although he does type wicked slow.

So Chuck if you think you guys should be “right with the world”.  Guess what?  You are!  You are always right with the world but there is the human element, the EGO that messes things up.  The EGO was in charge yesterday.  I know when people who love each other argue or fight it’s because we are sandpaper for each other, rubbing and rubbing off all the rough edges making each other smooth.  Since I am grappling with this new information about who I am and giving up chemical addictions to peptides (darn it) and the like there is going to be some snippy, some ruckus, some knock down drag out.  But Mark makes me smooth, all this growing and learning and sometimes fighting makes me a better person, a bigger channel for service.  I’m grateful to be so loved, but I know that I have to love myself to receive this great gift and I do.   And I’ll tell you this we are NOT living lives of quiet desperation, every second of every day is an adventure.  Although sometimes bumpy,  I love this ride.

Blessings and Believe,

Davene J

Why This WIll NEVER Work For You!

RESENTMENTS

Aaarggh! I hate resentments.  Isn’t that ironic, I have a resentment about having resentments.  Sometimes I just let my mind wander – fatal – and go to those places where the resentments live.  Those nasty places when I relive things that I am mad, sad or a version of mad, sad about.  I run these scenarios in my head about revenge or some other silly waste of time.  It ain’t easy being human, sometimes it down right sucks. When I find myself doing this, and I do, I snap to my DMP immediately and rewire that connection.  I feel so blessed that I learned how to do that thru the Master Key Master Mind System.   So lucky!

So anyway, here’s one for ya.  You can’t see the picture above, on my header, in its entirety because wordpress only lets you put a long skinny picture. [do I detect a resentment]  Anyway here is the entire picture.

It’s Jesus, Buddah and the Egyptian God Anubis sitting around a fire roasting marshmallows.  And it was drawn in pencil by my amazing daughter Jackie.

Now why do I show this, motherly pride, I must confess yes partly but the other reason is RESENTMENT!!! STEAMING RESENTMENT!!

You see I brought this beautiful, amazing little drawing into the professional framers who has been in business for like 40 years AND has framed many things for me before and guess what?  I go in there a few weeks later to pick this up and the F#*&^@g, a-hole LOST IT!!!!  Yes, the professional framing shop lost my baby’s masterpiece… please pardon my language but you saw “Good Will Hunting” right, well people from the Boston area do really swear that much.  But I’m working to do better.

So I do still hold this resentment.  (Ya think, my husband would say)  do I try and try to let it go, yes I do.  Do I sometimes acutally forgive and know for certain that there is a seed of greater opportunity here, yes I do.  And I know for sure that some day it will be gone completely.  Sometimes it’s a process.  Part of my process is putting this picture on my blog header so I know everytime I see it that there the a seed of much greater opportunity here, I will continue to dig for it.

IT’S A PROCESS

There will be times in my life when forgivness and letting go will be an event and sometime not.  And the Master Key Master Mind Alliance is a process too.   It literally took me years to write my perfect DMP and then it was only perfect for about a year and I had to change it AGAIN!!!  Yes, you will have to change your DMP many times and as YOU change your DMP changes.  Holy crap my PPNs changed that shocked me.  I’ll tell you!

Why This WIll NEVER Work For You!

The main reason for this headline was to catch your eye, be controversial with my headline so you, dear reader, would read this blog.  The other reason is to tell you that in no uncertain terms if you hold resentments the MKMMA will never work for you.

I write this so whoever reads it will give themselves a break, it’s never perfect, there is no such thing as perfect in the human outerworld, only the spirit is perfect.  Your spirit your “I” is perfect all the time every second.  The miracle that you are is perfect so don’t worry about the rest of it.  You’ll get it and even if you don’t your are trying and thinking about what you really want in your life that is a gift.  When I am thinking about my DMP I am not thinking about the guy who lost my daughter’s picture, the guy who certainly didn’t mean to lose it and I know felt bad about it.  The guy I can forgive today.

blessings and believe

Davene J

Lightbox – Rec and Dup

My husband Mark (The World’s Laziest Networker) and I have been telling people since 2004 that we are moving to Kauai.  We got the typical mixed reviews.  Some, mostly already successful or open-minded people, said “Wow great” others usually the ones who are not successful and closed-minded said, “Isn’t is expensive to live there?”   In essence the comments positive or negative were just versions of these.  All the same in principle.

In this situation in my life I was able to be an observer, rare for me, I could see each person’s response in a very objective way.  Non- judgmental because I knew thru working the Master Key Master Mind Alliance that these comments would have zero effect on my realizing my dream.  It was so freeing just being the observer. Really delightful!

So I am making the goal of being the observer (no fear, no judgment) in my life my next big breakthrough, at least I believe it will be a breakthrough. 🙂

So as I sit here in front of my dream computer, a MacBook Pro, in my beautiful home in Kauai I am observing how everything isn’t perfect.  Did I think my dream was going to be perfect?   Well ya kinda.  I have lived here in my mind for over 3 years.  It’s not exactly as it was in my mind but it is a miracle that we are here.  A friggin miracle!

Sometimes I struggle with the fact that this isn’t exactly as I pictured, but I am choosing to focus on the fact that there is no earthly reason that this should have happened.  All odds were completely against us and still we are here.  There is not explanation for it except that I influenced my subconscious mind and it attracted to me the forces and people who I needed to get here.  AND that all that I have dreamed for our lives here will happen and much, much more that I could have ever imagined.  I will continue to observe myself in the process – observe myself being grateful and know I am connected to the Universal power and that all that I need will be drawn to me.

Kauai is perfect, I am perfect, the Universe is as it should be and I will not be the one who is going to make the perfect the enemy of the great.

blessings & believe,

Davene J

This was Interesting to Me

So today started out not so great.  My beautiful, wonderful, darling baby Jackie texted me this morning.  “I miss you and I want to see you and ur new house and all ur little plants 🙁

I posted on facebook my avacado plant that we germinated from a avacado seed.  Jackie saw it today and so texted me.

So I started bawling, I went out into the car so no one would hear me and cried and cried.  Not something I do very often.  Not that I haven’t cried an ocean already for various reasons as I am sure many of us have.  You see I am very attached to my two daughters, Dayna my oldest 21 and Jackie my above mentioned “baby” she’s 19.  And I know their grown up!!!  Stop telling me that.

Ok so maybe too attached but I don’t care.  I miss them, they are 6000 miles away and I was sad about that today.  Not so much missing has gone on in the almost 3 months I have been here.  The longest stretch, by the way, ever that I have not seen 1 or both of my girls.

So here’s what’s interesting to me.  As I am bawling in the car I start to think “there is great opportunity in this adversity I just have to start looking for it.”  I realize that this is not so much an adversity as just a sad mom but it feels that way to me.

I know that my daily habits of changing my thoughts thur the Master Key Master Mind Alliance is what brought me to the thought that there is great opportunity and I am grateful for the work I have done and continue to do.  That would not have happened a few years ago, I just would have been sad all day started eating junk and watching TV till it went away or I forced myself out of the sadness.

Anyway, I finish my emoting because I gotta get going to the farmer’s market.  If you don’t get there early all the good stuff is gone.  So I get my husband and we head over.  So on the way over Mark says,  “Isn’t it amazing how God has given you another daughter to bridge the gap till your kids get here.”  Huh, What!  OMGosh it’s true!  That’s a bang over the head to me.  I realize this friggin miracle that justhas happened, and I don’t feel so sad anymore.  What he means is his daughter Chelsea, she will be here in like 6 weeks to live, here with us.  YEA!

This is a miracle because Chelsea didn’t like me for a long, long time and now it seems very recently we have become very close.  Such a gift to me.  She is an amazing kid and I have always liked her and I always had faith that someday we’d be friends.

Now it’s so much more that friends.  We say “I love you” when we get off the phone.  Miracle!  Yep she calls me!  Not her Dad and then asks for me, she calls ME, and skypes me, she asks to vent, or for advise – I feel she is mine and I am so, so happy.  It’s true the Universe, or God or whatever you want to call it has given me this miracle, Chelsea!

Actually it’s was Chelsea who started the avacado germinating for me in the first place, and that’s what started this whole thing, I love irony.

THEN GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?  Mark meets this adorable woman at the farmer’s market, Georgia Fernandez, and she is a pistol all of about 4 feet tall.  She invites us over to her house around the corner to pick a few fresh coconuts.  This my friends is a dream come true!  I have wanted to pick my own coconut for 5 years!!!  And I did it today.  I have been looking for coconuts since I got here.  I know you think there on every corner NO!  Everyone has their own palm tree so there is really no market for coconuts.  They are hard to find, can you believe that!!

Two miracles today because I decided to look for them.  Thank you Master Keys and my Master Mind Alliance.

Thanks for reading and tweet me or facebook if you want!

blessings & believe,

Davene