OR DID YOU EVER HAVE ONE THOSE YEARS?
While reading an email from 1 concerned member of the Master Key Master Mind Alliance (nothing to be concerned about btw) I was flooded with negative, mucky, yucky anger and resentment. Fortunatly I have lots of techniques now and tools to help me through these waters. For this am so “greatful”. So I’m reading this email thinking some people are just so sad. And I get really, really mad. So in like 13 seconds all this stuff goes through my mind and I came to the conclusion that this is my blog today.
First I must relate this day and the forces within me that lead to eventually reading the above mentioned email. It started pretty well. Did my reading, meditation was feeling pretty good. Could be doing better with exercise, eating and water but not too bad.
Then bam it starts. This guy calls and needs help and I can’t help him, he didn’t follow up and I know he blames it on me, and it was kinda my fault but he’s mad and I feel responsible, sorry. I really though he was on it. So I feel bad.
Then simultaneously (literally simultaneously because he was on the cell and I was also on skype) I am talking to my step daughter everything is going good, but I mention that I placed the ad for her car. We get around to the fact that I priced it wrong. Well, I DON’T think the price is wrong but she does and that is what matters. She starts saying, “Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me?” OMGosh I gotta tell you that stabbed me in the heart. Now I know she doesn’t mean that literally. She is just freaked out about uprooting her whole, entire life and moving here. I just did that so I get the stress. I tell her I can fix it, but she is mad I can tell and I feel so bad. The last thing I want to do is make this harder for her. I felt so so bad. Now there 2 people I messed up today. Ayou!
As I am thinking about these 2 mistakes and feeling bad about it the next moment I get a text from my oldest daughter Dayna. Dayna is my heart. She tells me that due to circumstances we can’t control she won’t be here for at least another 7 months. Well then I lose my shit (as my kids say). I just crumbled into a puddle. My baby, OH MY GOSH, I’m not going to see her for how long. This I can’t take. I am junk and I start thinking about this long, long year. And then a flood of tears and everything comes down on me I just start thinking about everything that has happend in the last year.
Now just 1 short year ago we were moving out of our 2 family home in Haverhill. That was sad and that was happy. As anybody who has move, after living in one place a long time, you know that was a nightmare. No, really, it sucked really bad. Then we’re in this little rental at Seabrook Beach (yuck). My view is the Nuclear Power Plant. All my stuffs in storage and now what? I’ll tell you what. Now get ready to move 6000 miles away, with your blind, deaf, grumpy mother-in-law. Then Dayna moves out, then how do we get the dog over there, then this, then that, then the other thing. Just one crazy thing after the other and never a minute to get used to it. It’s all a stress filled blur that I am reliving this morning.
Then the email – I figured well I am going to try to help someone else. I do my best to get into service to others and I am going to finish reading the press releases and adding everyone to Mark’s blog. And I read this email. I believe, and I could be wrong. But I believe that people who don’t take responsiblity for their own lives are mean to people who do. So this email says something that I thought was so stupid. We’ll put it in the catagory of the same people who, when I told them I was moving to Hawaii, they said, “Isn’t it expensive to live there.” Imagine this really naggy, high pitched voice, “Isn’t it expensive to live there.” Blah, Blah, Blah. Bite me. Just closed, small minded and probably jealous people.
So I get so mad and I’m thinking all I want to do is help someone and I get this email and it makes me so mad and all this junk is happening today, (btw my kitchen sink doesn’t work and I can’t do dishes so I can’t cook, just pile it on AND I thought it was Thursday not Friday!!!) – what am I supposed to do here. Feel sorry for myself, well that’s easy I am already doing that. No, I think what is the message, the lesson where is it, I start thinking how is this an opportunity? Thanks MKMMA. And it hit me. I realize, it was like a bolt of lightening, I saw a flash. That happens sometimes when I get out of my own way. You have to blog today (Again, totally thought it was Thursday). Write about it. Let all the MKMMAers now before some A-hole takes a crap on their dreams.
You may already know this but pay attention anyway. It’s really important to let you know, in case you don’t already, that when you go for your dreams, when you start changing your mind, when you start making choices that bring you closer to your dreams and goals there are going to be people out there who try to drag you back down. It’s the crab story. They don’t mean to be mean and small, mostly they don’t even know. But the will try. If you change, if you get better, others are forced to look at the fact that they are not. And some of them will hate you for it and be really, really mean. It’s right in “Think and Grow Rich” most people fail because they listen to well meaning friends and family. Read that again is astonishing, but it’s true.
You know who they are. Some will shock you, some won’t. Don’t listen. You know your own heart they don’t. Dream stealers Mark used to call them, it was so hard for me to believe that people would do that, but they do. All the time.
Here I take a risk. Sometimes you are sleeping next to them. Or they are at the dinner table or you have to be in the same room with them, often. It’s rough, I know I did that and I still have to today. But my mind is the only one that matters. I choose what I think about. I choose my own destiny. AND it’s important that we don’t think negatively about them. We bless them, we pray for their happiness and that they find their bliss too! That’s the hard part if you ask me. Everything I let go of has nail marks on it.
Just wanted to let you know, it’s my revenge. It’s my way of letting go of the person that I DON’T EVEN KNOW AND WILL PROBABLY NEVER MEET. As long as I hold on to being angry at those “dream stealers” I am blocking my own bliss. God Bless Them. So I hope this helps me and you.
blessings and believe,
Davene you are really pouring out your heart to everyone. Right now I am praying for you. I am sure this will all pass and soon all will be soothe sailing. Maybe we should send you an email of encouragement but that would just fill up your box and you would have more work to do. It’s just better to read your blog and send up a bunch of prayers so it will be easier to calm down. I would really dislike being that far away from our family but is just a short while. You will be surprised how time flies when you are having fun ? work!!!
I think we are all stressed out, I know I am I can’t even think but that will soon pass as well. You and Mark do such a super good job with the MKMMA and I for one and many others appreciate all of your efforts.
OMGosh that is so sweet and really funny, made me laugh. Having the blog to kind of vent and then relate a great lesson is such a wonderful forum for me, I feel so much better since writing it. Thanks so much for the prayers. I need em.
You are well worth it.
Wow. Davene, This post really came from the heart. Also a great lesson for all of us. Don’t let the naysayers get you down. Also, if what I have ever sent you has gotten you down. Please forgive me….. Dave W…
Nope – never. Send it all, it was a great lesson.
Nope Never, so far have not gotten anything from any MKMMAer that has gotten me down. I love it there is always a great lesson. Bring it on!
Thanks Dave for the comment. We all have days that just seem to get the better of us. We shall overcome.!!
I appreciate your honesty and heartfelt words. I think we can all relate to having days or weeks or months were nothing seems to go our way. Must be those peptides. Alone we can do so little: together we can do so much. You are not alone. Each day we can begin again more intelligently.
For all those naysayers out there: “love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy to a friend”~Martin Luther King
Well, sounds like a touch of being human, sorry you had to go through that but at the same time it just lets the rest of us know it happens to everyone and gives us strength, we are all in this together glad you leaned on us and we could help.
Davene this is a great post . thanks, my broadband is up now for a while.
Hey Davene. I loved your blog. The beauty is as you stated…now you have the tools to let it go and to not let the energy, projections, words and beliefs of others have a lasting affect on you. Like you said, “As long as I hold on to being angry at those “dream stealers” I am blocking my own bliss.” Each moment we hold onto a memory of the past or have fear about the future…we rob ourselves of the present moment. And every time we hang onto being angry, we cheat ourselves out of bliss. So true.
We are each in charge of our lives, our feelings, our outcomes. No one else is to blame, though society sure likes to point the finger. I am grateful to have learned the very thing you are speaking of. Many harsh words or negative experiences come about from someone projecting their own struggles onto someone else. It isn’t about you. It’s about what is going on within the other person. In somatic coaching, we help people to make a simple move with your body when you are feeling attacked. Such as…if you are in a conversation with someone who is dumping their stuff on you and it doesn’t feel good to you…simply bring your left foot back, stand sideways, open up a space and visualize all the ‘junk words and negative energy’ flying past you and splatting up again the wall behind you. That way we aren’t hit with it square in the chest…but we let it go somewhere else. Dr Wayne Dyer says it best too. He will not stay in the same energy field as someone who speaks unkind words. He simply walks away.
Just remember you are beautiful, Davene…inside and out. We love ya!
This is fun stuff. Sharing and growing.
Wow that is a fantastic idea, you know I have had the experience of moving my body to be out of the line of fire. It’s probably an instinct to do that. Thanks so much I love that. And thanks so much for the kind words. I do appreciate it very much. I really do love all of you too, my heart is so full now – I feel so blessed.
Keeping out of the line of fire.
That is very good idea. Just stepping aside and let it slide right passed you.
Good laugh at that one Jim, Awesome thanks! Haven’t heard that version. I can use it! Mahalo for the happy thoughts. Back at ya!
Whew! This is deep, coming from the heart. It’s so nice to know that this group is a really cool place to share life, thoughts and even vent! Praying that the best is yet to come. You are so cool Davene!
Yes Rena I have had ONE of those days lately.
You are so honest Davene, Your post rings true on Soooo many levels! So true about family and friends. I really feel your pain here.
This may help:
God grant me the serenity to
accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things can,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of
those people I had to kill
because they pissed me off!
I am sending happy thoughts towards you !!!!
All the best
I don’t know how to say thanks enough. A few weeks ago I blogged “Necessity makes strange bed fellows” The hardest thing for me to do was to shut out these same type of emotions from people I love. Even sending a “Happy Birthday” was met with hate. I cried thinking how much when we think we did suffer alone we are never alone. How much I cry rejoicing in the fact of I am what I will to be and I think what I will to think.
Thank you for being the Fabulous Davene!!
Mahalo for sharing this. The Fabulous Dave!
Thanks for sharing and being so honest – I feel like I know you two and I can trust you also. Trust is a wonderful thing!! Thanks
Life isn’t fair and sometimes it is downright cruel. If I was there I would give you a hug. Sometimes that is all we can do for each other.
I’ll take a hug anytime! 1 hug a day for survival and 3 to grow. I shoot for 10 a day.
Your passion really shows up in many areas of your life. A real person realizing her dreams, putting up with a lot crap just like the rest of us. Maybe were all not so different after all. The truth will set you free, thanks for helping us with that. Also looking forward to meeting you and Mark on our trip to Kauai early July, Thanks for the advice on where to stay. Got pictures for my dream board also. BTW where’s my blog?
You are welcome Brain and we are looking so forward to meeting you both!
Awesome post, thanks for sharing that stuff happens to you also! We can all get stronger together though! You and Mark are doing a fabulous job with the course!