I’M REALLY HAPPY
So they got here and it was a beautiful day, as usual, and the next day it starts just pouring. Monsoon type rain, flash flood warnings. This is a desert there no floods here. It’s was crazy and amazing and beautiful. BUT and there a big but. When it’s raining like that having a dog is a pain in the butt. Tommy can’t stay out cause it’s pouring and when he has to do his business someone has to get soaked and so does Tommy. I DO NOT like wet dogs in my house. So it figures that it would pour in the dessert for 2 days just when Mr. Tommy gets here. God gives me so many opportunities to be patient and become a better person. I’m extremely grateful and it has NOT been hard to be happy even though there is wet, smelly dog in my house.
IT’S HARD TO BE HAPPY
Sometime yesterday after the initial glee of having Chelsea here had worn of just a little it started to hit me how much I miss my girls. How deeply sad I am and how much I miss them. And it started to get hard to be happy. Every little thing Mark did rubbed me the wrong way. I was so super sensitive. There’s sensitive, you know, the moody PMSie stuff and I know menopause, hot flashes the whole deal but this is different it was like when you have a cavity and you drink something really cold that sharp pain and weird sensation. That’s how I was. And it was really, really important to me that Chelsea not think that I am not thrilled she is here or that she somehow triggered this sadness in me. That was essential so I am putting on this brave face yesterday. I don’t think Tommy cared as long as he gets his treat from me.
Just before I left to move here I freaked out. I was talking to Mark and this panic came over me, what the hell am I doing. My kids are 19 and 21 and I am leaving them. I am a horrible mother. Fortunately I am married to a genius, the greatest husband ever. Really he is the best ever, he knew exactly, from 6000 miles away, exactly what to say to talk me down. He said to me, and I am not kidding, “I have been waiting for this and I have it all laid it out in 3 parts”. Really, wtf, he knew I was going to go down this road and he was ready with his f’ing 3 pronged strategy to put me back on track. Who does that? He’s really amazing. Anyway he told me, and he’s right, this is the best thing I could possible do for my kids. Not only show them they can live their dreams by living my but also (I will deny this) I am slightly co-dependant with my girls. Mark will say incredibly co-dependant, over protective, I still think they are 7 and 9, and I am not letting them grow up. Guess who’s right. Yes, they need me out of their lives so they can grow and become responsible, healthy, high functioning adults. I need to be 6000 miles away so I am not constantly butting my nose into their lives.
Yesterday it was really hard to be happy, but I was happy and I know I’ll go through days here and there till I see my kids again when it’s hard to be happy. And best of all because I a loyal to my Master Key Master Mind Alliance (most of the time) they ARE here with me. I see them everyday here with us. Laughing, loving, having wonderful lives. Everyday I see that and they are already here and that is such a gift. I know, that I know, that I know that they are here with me and our family is together. NOW. This keeps me going, striving to do better, it drives me to be the best that I can. To do my best. I have a definite major backed by a burning desire and I know what it is and I am uncalculatably grateful. Grateful for the material and grateful that I did and continue to do the work. If not for these teachings and this course we wouldn’t be here, Chelsea wouldn’t be here and, God bless him, neither would “The Biscuit” aka Tommy.
Blessings & Believe,